Song Parodies of the Stingy and Infamous
by MasqueradingThroughLife
Summary: These songs, my dears, are inescapable proof that chocolate and POTO make you write funny, odd, random things...
1. If I Had 20,000 Francs

**Song Parodies of the Stingy and Infamous

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_Long, long ago (August of '05), I posted a silly song, which got quite a few reviews, so I posted more silly songs...and more...and more...until I wound up with 16 of them, a mix of a few original works, but mostly parodies. And then...it happened. While I was editing this bunch of songphics (referred to collectively as "Now You're Addicted," named after the first silly song) my computer crashed. When I logged back on, all of my precious songphiccies had been deleted. So I'm reposting all of the little babies that I'd had backups of. _

_All of the parodies will be posted, one a day, here. NYA the original song has its own page._

_Now that's that...I'm going to go bawl into my pillow now. -sobs-_

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**If I Had 20,000 Francs**

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**A/N: **This is a phantomized parody of the Barenaked Ladies song "If I Had a Million Dollars"

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Phantom of the Opera in any of its forms. If I did, I wouldn't be wasting valuable snogging-with-Erik time writing song parodies, now would I? Nor do I own the rights to this song. I just stole -cough- borrowed it to parody in the few scant minutes of my day when I'm not _dreaming_ of snogging Erik.

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If I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

I'd buy you a lair

(I would buy you a lair)

And if I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,00 francs)

I'd buy you furniture for your lair

(Maybe a nice swan bed, or a Christine mannequin)

And I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you a gondola

(A nice reliant phantom-mobile)

And if I had 20,000 francs, I'd buy your love

**o.O**

If I had 20,000 francs

(I'd build a torture chamber in our yard)

If I had 20,000 francs

(You could help, it wouldn't be that hard)

If I had 20,000 francs

(Maybe we could put like a little tiny fridge in there somewhere

...for the poor souls trapped inside)

You know, we could just go in there and "hang" out

(Like open the fridge and stuff

And there would be laid out foods for us

Like little pre-wrapped sausages and things)

Mmm...

(They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon)

Well, can you blame 'em?

(Uh, yeah!)

**o.O**

If I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you a fur coat...made of Carlotta's dogs

(But not a real fur coat, that's cruel)

And if I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you an exotic weapon

(Like a lasso...a Punjab lasso)

And if I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you a poster of Gerik

(Ooh, all them crazy drooling phans)

And if I had 20,000 francs, I'd buy your love

**o.O**

If I had 20,000 francs

(We wouldn't have to walk to the Opera House)

If I had 20,000 francs

(We'd take a trap door 'cause it's more fun)

If I had 20,000 francs

(We wouldn't have to eat fish from the lake)

But we would still eat the fish

(Of course we would, we'd just eat more

And buy really expensive ketchups with it)

That's right, all the fanciest...Dijon ketchups!

(Mmm...)

Mmm-hmm

**o.O**

If I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you Carlotta's dress

(But it's not really Carlotta's dress, that'd be cruel)

And if I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you some sheet music

(Some Hannibal or some DJT)

If I had 20,000 francs

(If I had 20,000 francs)

Well, I'd buy you a monkey music box

(Haven't you always wanted a monkey music box?)

If I had 20,000 francs

I'd buy your love

**o.O**

If I had 20,000 francs, If I had 20,000 francs

If I had 20,000 francs, If I had 20,000 francs

If I had 20,000 francs

I'd be rich

**o.O**


	2. Stuck in the Middle With You

**Stuck in the Middle With You**

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**AN: (A) **Now, I was planning on posting all of the originals in order but...I've gotten my first ever request! Here ya go, Denekrad, hope ya like!

**(B) **This is a parody of Stealers Wheel's "Stuck in the Middle with You" sung from Christine's point of view.

**Disclaimer: **Me no own. You no sue. Now keep away that _Mary_ Sue.

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Well I don't know why I came here tonight.  
I got the feeling that something ain't right.  
I'm so scared in case I fall in the lake,  
And I'm worried that my Angel's a fake.  
Divas to the left of me, Vicomtes to the right,  
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,  
And I'm wondering what it is I should do.  
Why'd I have to take the mask off your face?  
Losing control, yeah, ranting all over the place.  
Divas to the left of me, Vicomtes to the right,  
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,  
And you're proud that you're a self made man.  
And your managers are angry  
Tryin' to track you down and say,  
Leave... Leave...

Trying to make some sense of it all,  
But I can see that it makes no sense at all.  
I've been kidnaped from the opera above.  
And I'm denying that this might be love.  
Divas to the left of me, Vicomtes to the right,  
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.

Well you started out with nothing,  
And you're proud that you're a self made man.  
And your managers are angry,  
Tryin' to track you down and say,  
Leave... Leave...

Well I don't know why I came here tonight.  
I got the feeling that something ain't right.  
So I'm singing with you in your lair,  
And now I'm wondering, why's life so unfair?  
Divas to the left of me, Vicomtes to the right,  
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.  
Yes I'm stuck in the middle with you,  
Stuck in the middle with you.

Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.


	3. Seventy Six Phangirls

**Seventy Six Phangirls**

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**AN: (A)** I've decided...decided...I'm going to alternate the order of my parodies: old parody-new parody-old-new-old-new. 'Cos I've gotten several requests _and _a dare. Thank you. -steps off soapbox-

**(B)** This is a song parody of "Seventy Six Trombones" from "The Music Man."

**Disclaimer: **I own it! Yes, you heard me right! I own it!..It is mine, my my own, my precioussss...It is mine, I tell you, moohahahahahaha! Ooh, look, nice men in white coats!

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Seventy six phangirls led the big parade

With a hundred and ten more girls close at hand.

They were followed by rows and rows of phanwriters with phics and prose,

the cream of ev'ry Poto-infested land.

xxx

Seventy six Leroux-purists shunned the morning sun,

With a hundred and ten Gerik-glompers right behind.

There were more than a thousand squees springing up like weeds,

there were Kay-lovers of ev'ry shape and kind.

xxx

There were punjab-toting fophunters marching down,

thundering, thundering, all along the way.

Ballet rat and soprano wannabe's,

each wannabe having her big loud say.

There were fifty Mary Sues in the battery,

Thundering, thundering, louder than before.

Fluff writers of eve'ry size andmorbid ones who'd improvise

Making the Poto experience even better than before.

xxx

Seventy six phangirls led the big parade,

when the order to march rang out loud and clear.

Starting off with a big orchestra blast that'll surely last,

And they all gave a loud squee and a cheer.

xxx

Seventy six phangirls hit the counter point,

while a hundred and ten more lasses punched the air.

Then I modestly took my place, took the lead with grace,

and we chased the Phantom down the square.


	4. Roses

**Roses**

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**AN: **Denekrad...I hate you...for you dared me...and here it is. -cries-"Roses" by Outkast. Phantom-style. Run, Denekrad. Run!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it...and no offense to Christine or Erik. Or Raoul. But not really Raoul, it's fun to offend him. -snickers-

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Christine! Christine!  
All the guys would say she's serene  
But serene won't make you into a stage queen  
And other ballet rats either got you cursed out, or coming up short  
Yeah, now dig this, even though (even though)  
You'd need a swan bed to divide (to divide)  
The time it took to look inside and realize that  
Real Phantoms go after those Mary Sues, yeah!

I know you'd like to thank your OG don't stank  
But lean a little bit closer  
See that Phantoms really smell like death  
Yeah, Phantoms really smell like death

Christine! See she's the reason for the word "goldfish" (goldfish)  
I hope she's swimming on the way to the lair  
Trying to hurry up to get to some  
Erik or foppy or somebody like that  
And trying to put on stockings while swimming  
And glub, glub, glub... into the depths! (Just Playing!)  
She needs a swan bed to divide (to divide)  
The time it took to look inside and realize that  
Real Phantoms go after those Mary Sues, yeah!

I know you'd like to thank your OG don't stank  
But lean a little bit closer  
See that Phantoms really smell like death  
Yeah, Phantoms really smell like death

Well she's got a hotty body, but she's gone a bit dotty  
When I met her at a gala she claimed to be Little Lotte  
I said "Would you dance with me?"  
She said "Pardon me, are you an Angel?"  
I said "Darling, you sound like a nutcase blabbing."  
Oh so you're one them creeps, get sung to by Erik when you's asleep  
But love triangles getting sweeped, dropping roses she's weak  
Walkin' off this goldfish is lost  
Must take me for a Phantom, get what she wants with a tantrum  
A neat place sleep, a rent-a-gondola for a week, a trick for a treat  
Now go on the music of the night, my singing is flawless  
Regardless, we don't want to get involved with no vicomtes  
And managers just to hold grudges in a box 5  
I wanna see ya stockings I don't wanna stalk you!

I know you'd like to thank your OG don't stank  
But lean a little bit closer  
See that Phantoms really smell like death  
Yeah, Phantoms really smell like death

Better come back down to Mary Sue Land  
Girl, quit chasin' fops  
What happens when the francs get so low  
Goldfish, you ain't that fine  
No way.. no way.. no way

Crazy fish (repeated in background)  
Goldfish, bug-eyed fish  
Old gaping goldfish, bug-eyed fish  
A fish's fish, just a goldfish

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No offense! Aiiee! -runs from tar and feathers-


	5. Singin' the Night Away

**Singin' the Night Away**

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**AN:** This litle phiccy is a parody of "Twistin' the Night Away"

**Disclaimer: **Get it through your heads! Me no own!

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Let me tell you 'bout a place

Somewhere up-a Opera way

Where ballerinas twirl and sway

Singin' the night away

Here they have a lot of fun

Puttin' Carlotta on the run

Man, you find the old and young

Singin' the night away

x

They're singin', singin', everybody 'cept Raoul's feelin' great

They're singin', singin', they're singin' the music of the night away

x

Here's an Erik in his hauntin' clothes

How he got here, I don't know, but

Man, you oughta see him go

Singin' the night away-ay

He's singin' with the chorus girl in pink

They're a-singin' in sync

Oh man, there ain't nothin' like

Singin' the night away

x

They're singin', singin', everybody 'cept Raoul's feelin' great

They're singin', singin', they're singin' the music of the night away

x

Let's sing a while!

Sing loud, sing soft

Sing solo, sing duet

Kidnap Chrissy, perform Phanty's opera

They're singin' the night away

x

Here's a stagehand named Joe

Singin' with Madame Giry though

She don't like him all that much-whoa!

Singin' the night away-ay

But, man, you oughta see her go

Singin' to opera like a pro

Here you find the young and old

Singin' the night away

x

They're singin', singin', man, everybody 'cept Raoul's feelin' great

They're singin', singin', they're singin' the music of the night away

x

One more time!

Sing loud, sing soft

Sing solo, sing duet

Kidnap Chrissy, perform Phanty's opera

They're singin' the night away


	6. And the Phan Came Back

**And the Phan Came Back**

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**AN: **"And the Cat Came Back" isa children's song that I learned on a school camping trip...It became a bit of an inside joke in my grade, and I couldn't resist phantomizing it! Besides, it is IMPOSSIBLE to parody "Switch" by Will Smith. Trust me, I've been trying and trying.

**Disclaimer: **But the Disclaimer came back, the very next day, the Disclaimer came back,we thought it was a goner, but it still came back even though _I do NOT own either Phantom of the Opera or "And the Cat Came Back."_

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Now, the Opera Ghost had troubles of his own

He had a silly phangirl who wouldn't leave his home

He tried and he tried to give the phan away

He gave her to a Persian going far, far away

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away

-

Carlotta up on the stage swore she'd smack that phan on sight

She loaded up her handbag with nails just to spite

She waited and she waited for the phan to come around

'Lotta's yappy poodles was all they ever found

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away

-

Then Erik gave her to a Mary Sue with a golden throat

Erik told the Sue to take her on the lake in a boat

Erik waved goodbye to the pair, safe, relieved, and on dry ground

Now they drag the lake for a Mary Sue that's drowned

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away

-

Then Erik gave her to a squealing fop, O.G. was feeling stressed

Erik told him, "Do what you have to, just get rid of the pest."

The phan attacked the fop when he tried to paint her nails

Not a soul was left alive to tell the gruesome tale

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away

-

Then Erik took her to a place where ballet rats dance

And well that poor little phangirl just didn't stand a chance

The phan fought the gossip with a blood-curdling shriek

The opera's ballerinas acted funny for a week

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away

-

Now the grasshopper jumped jolly high just today

And the scorpion jumped in the very same way

The opera house began to buck and sway

The opera staff was running without a chance to pray

-

But the phan back, the very next day

Yes the phan came back, they thought she was a goner

But the phan came back, she just couldn't stay away


	7. Where Have All the Reviewers Gone?

**Where Have All the Reviewers Gone?**

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**AN**: "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" is an old song I've always been rather fond of twisting the lyrics of (for example, "Where have all the brownies gone?" "Where have all my tennis shoes gone?" etc.)...And when it came to "phantomizing" it...well...I couldn't resist, mate.

"Where Have All Reviewers Gone?" is sung by a phanfic writer who has seen better days...and more reviews.

**Disclaimer: **I. Do. Not. Own. It. Okay? Okay.

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Where have all the reviewers gone?  
Long time passing  
Where have all the reviewers gone?  
Long time ago  
Where have all the reviewers gone?  
Eriks have punjabbed them every one  
When will they ever review?  
When will they ever review?

Where have all the opera ghosts gone?  
Long time passing  
Where have all the opera ghosts gone?  
Long time ago  
Where have all the opera ghosts gone?  
Stolen away ingenues every one  
When will they ever learn?  
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the Christines gone?  
Long time passing  
Where have all the Christines gone?  
Long time ago  
Where have all the Christines gone?  
Replaced by OCs every one  
When will they ever return?  
When will they ever return?

Where have all the Mary Sues gone?  
Long time passing  
Where have all the Mary Sues gone?  
Long time ago  
Where have all the Mary Sues gone?  
Murdered by phans every one  
When will they ever go away?  
When will they ever go away?

Where have all the phangirls gone?  
Long time passing  
Where have all the phangirls gone?  
Long time ago  
Where have all the phangirls gone?  
They stopped reviewing every one  
When will they ever review?  
When will they ever review?


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